I have to be careful here.

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For many, many reasons. I know someone that works for Tuscaloosa County, Alabama and gets to see birth certificates on a regular basis.

She has always given me a rundown of some of the, well, uh, more unusual names.

Now, we have some official records, first names only of course, of actual names given to children in Alabama and around the country for some more fun.

I can't help but wonder why a parent would do this to an innocent child.

Here are my top 5 favorites:

5. ARSON

Arson Attack On Kyoto Animation Studio
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Yeah, that's right, Arson.

What are you setting this child up for later in life?

4. BANANA

Harambe Statue Placed By Wall Street's Charging Bull To Protest Wealth Disparity
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I enjoy the fruit as much as the next person. However, why would you ever do this?

3. COVID

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I would not have believed this one if I had not seen it with my own two eyes.

Covid caused NOTHING but death and horrible things! So you name your baby after it?

LORD, HELP ME.

2. BALLS

Lockdown Restrictions Take Effect In South Australia As Authorities Work To Contain COVID-19 Cluster Outbreak
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I don't know what to say. I can't deal with it anymore.

AND NOW....THE WORST NAME EVER.....

1. BARBIE CUE

Food Network & Cooking Channel New York City Wine & Food Festival presented by Capital One - Backyard BBQ presented by Pat LaFrieda Meats and National Beef hosted by Andrew Zimmern
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Nobody loves BBQ more than I do. It's just a fact.

But, c'mon man! Barbie Cue? This child will get roasted every day of her life!

Roasted, ha, see what I did there?

OK, a few honorable mentions:

BURP....yes, BURP.

ELLA VATOR. This is too crazy for words. These parents are on drugs.

F. INGOOD. OK, I'm done. I can't handle anymore.

They should have their kids taken away by the state.

Maybe that's too harsh.

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