As an elder millennial/milleniOLD, this has me shook.

I spend way too much time on TikTok. We are talking HOURS, which is ridiculous. I will refuse to watch a TV show or movie because I don't want to sit in one place for two hours AND YET I have no problem stretching out on my bed and subsequently staring at my phone for three hours like some sort of hypnotized zombie.

But this is not about my addiction to The Toks™️. This is about my being CALLED OUT.

I am no longer cool, y'all. Apparently only OLD people have a side part.

I guess I am old now? I tried doing a middle part for a couple of days (and yes, I looked both modern and beautiful) but I had to stop when I tried to put my hair in a low pony and looked like a founding father.

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Now, as for the rest of it: I am a thicccccccc lady and have always avoided skinny jeans like the plague.  I am not a huge user of emojis because I am equal parts lazy and pretentious, so I guess I am good there.

I guess having a side part makes me look like Betty White, but whatever. I might rock the middle part on occasion to add a little spice, but I'm fine with my own style.

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