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These things say a lot about me.

Here are 14 things to know and remember..

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in jail.

Prisoners Live In Cells Of Human Misery In Overcrowded Manila Jail
Paula Bronstein
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2. Drink responsibly means don’t spill it.

Mud And Mischief Abound At Annual Summer Redneck Games
Getty Images
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3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9pm is the new midnight.

Desperate woman holding mobile phone.
grinvalds
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4. At the start of a brand new day, I’m off like a herd of turtles.

Courtesy Longboat Key Turtle Watch
Courtesy Longboat Key Turtle Watch
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5. The older i get, the earlier it gets late.

Florida Wildlife And Daily Life Scenes
Getty Images
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6. When i say “the other day”, i could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

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Glenda Powers
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8. I had my patience tested. I’m negative.

Deagreez
Deagreez
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9. I finally got 8 hours sleep. It took me 3 days.

UK's Largest Dairy Show Takes Place At The Bath And West Showground
Getty Images
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10. I run like the winded.

Britons Most Obese In Europe
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11. When someone asks me what i did over the weekend, i ask “why, what did you hear”.

12. When i ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east”.

13. Sometimes someone unexpected comes into your life and makes your heart race. We call those people cops.

Courtesy of Canva.com
Courtesy of Canva.com
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14. I hate when couples argue in public and i miss the beginning and don’t know whose side i’m on.

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George Doyle
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And now you know.

RANKED: Here Are the 63 Smartest Dog Breeds

Does your loyal pup's breed make the list? Read on to see if you'll be bragging to the neighbors about your dog's intellectual prowess the next time you take your fur baby out for a walk. Don't worry: Even if your dog's breed doesn't land on the list, that doesn't mean he's not a good boy--some traits simply can't be measured.

Gallery Credit: Sabienna Bowman

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