Freak Out: Alabama Man Finds Big Arthropod In His Bed
“ Last night I was getting ready for bed and I saw it. I was at the corner of the bed with enough room that I brushed the corner of my bed. I had been standing there for a hot minute. I look and see a spider, the size of a house cat, on the corner of the bed. It looked like it had been powerlifting a Volkswagen. I called my wife over to my side of the bed to show her this demon spawn. I’m yelling ‘KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT AND ITS WHOLE FAMILY’!
That spider appeared to be laughing at me. My wife was laughing at me. My wife was hyperventilating as she grabbed a little band-aid box to KILL IT.
I screamed, ‘grab a baseball bat, grab the shotgun and call the Navy SEALS’! This thing looked huge. It looked like he was texting his friends to come over to work out, drink Red Bull and take steroids. Here I am a grown man screaming like a little pansy and my wife is giggling and convulsing with laughter.
She finally finds time from her giggle-fest to beat the spider with a tiny bandaid box. I'm standing there feeling all emasculated and vulnerable. I feel as if every hair on my chest has suddenly turned pink. And what little testosterone I have left is taking a vacation to go to a Taylor Swift concert. The good news is I was able to verify the eight-legged furry freak of nature was indeed deceased”.
Spider Fun Facts:
-Arthropods are found on every continent except Antarctica.
-Spiders are nearsighted.